When men look at me

For those of you looking for pictures of Caroline, this post will be diappointing. But take heart, there will be more to come in later posts :)

Since I moved to Georgia, the Lord has showed me that I learn best when I share. (Not sure why it took me this long... I am sure those of you that are close to me already knew that I love to talk about myself!) I have been involved in several bible studies since we moved here 4 years ago, and I feel strongest in my faith and closest to the Lord when I not only take time to read and pray personally, but also have the opportunity to share what I've learned with others. For some reason, I remember more and better pinpoint my feelings when I talk outloud. So, I am going to try and start blogging about my faith. I hope that it will serve as an encouragement for anyone reading and also keep me accountable to share some of the amazing things God is teaching me.

One of the songs on a CD I have for Caroline has a line in the chorus that says, "When men look at me, I want them to see, the Light of the world inside." Wow. One of my biggest idols is the praise of men (well actually women mostly... but you get what I mean). When "men" look at me, I want them to see that I am skinnier than I was last time they saw me, my house looks like something out of Southern Living, and that Caroline is the most adorable child ever created AND extremely advanced. "The Light of the world inside"? Far from it, I'm afraid.

So what would I look like if men saw the Light of the world inside me? Would it be inside a beautiful house and skinny body? Maybe. But maybe not. Maybe it would be a messy, outdated house and a pudgy body. Am I willing to let go of those idols in order to focus on what really matters?

I heard it once said "he who is spiritually fit will be physically fit as well". I also heard a mentor of mine say, "When I start to compare myself to other women, I have to remember that my glorified body will put her earthly body to shame!" I've recalled this a lot lately. Not that we should have a prideful heart about being a believer, just that my attention should be on what really matters- eternity. I often remember these quotes as I lay in bed at 5:30 or 6:00 am trying to decide whether to get up and work out or get up and pray. (Or go back to sleep :)) It is at that moment, when I have only 30 minutes to do something by myself that I can see where my true priorities are. More often than I'd like to admit, my desire to look skinny this weekend far outweighs my desire to come before the Throne of Grace and be fed. Now, I'm not saying that I don't ever need to work out- glutony and laziness can be idols too. I have just been faced personally with the fact that I think a lot more about what men think of me than glorifying my Heavenly Father.

His Kingdom is where my focus should be and the rest will fall into place. That is really hard to believe when I am staring at a not so suitable body and a recliner that could be seen to some as a liability for its catapulting qualities. But God hasn't called me to a life of comfort and skinniness. He has called me to follow Him. And I can't do that with these idols in the way.

Father, YOU are worthy of honor and praise from all of the men on the earth. Forgive me when I want it for myself more than I want it for you. Thank you for your grace. For opening my eyes to these idols. Please convict me when I want to bow down to them again and grant me repentance. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.